11
Evaluation task 2: Your own essay
Here is a model answer, with examiner feedback, for the task you practised in this lesson.
Nowadays, more and more parents are making the controversial decision to teach their children at home
rather than sending them to school. Although this approach to education has advantages, pupils who learn
only at home definitely lose more oportunities.
First, children who don’t go to school only know two teachers, the same people who are also their parents.
Because of this, the pupils may not learn other points of view outside their family. Besides this, there is also
the question if parents have the qualifications and knowledge to teach every subject. Perhaps their mother
and father are experts in one or two subjects, but any school provides teachers expert in every subject.
We should remember that there is more to education than learning about topics. In addition, going to
school is also a way to meet people your own age and to make friends. It is clear that children can socialise
better at school, and as a result, children at school will have the chance to start many lifelong relationships.
I agree that parents can have some good reasons for having home school, but overall, considering
teachers and friends, it’s much better for children to attend school.
Achievement
All content is relevant and
the writer discusses the first
two points in the question.
They talk about the
disadvantages of having
parents teaching their own
children. They explain that
only one view might be
offered and that there might
not be enough knowledge
about certain subjects.
On the second point, the
writer says that children
have more opportunities to
socialise at school and will
find it easier to make
friends.
However, there is no third
point (your own idea). This
means the reader doesn’t
have all the information they
need.
written. It uses the right
style for an essay,
which keeps the reader
interested. It also uses
formal language well.
The writer gives
balanced views and
opinions, and also
supports these views
with examples
(Perhaps their mother
and father are experts
in one or two subjects).
Both simple and more
complex ideas are
communicated clearly
to the reader (pupils
may not learn other
points of view outside
their family).
variety of linking words and
expressions to connect the
ideas in the text.
The essay is generally well
organised, with positive and
negative opinions being
given (Although this
approach to education has
advantages; Because of
this; Besides this, there is
also; I agree that ... but).
The essay has a good
overall structure, with a
clear opening paragraph
which introduces the topic
of the essay. Two points are
developed in the main part
of the essay and there is an
effective conclusion which
summarises the writer’s
own view.
demonstrates a good
range of vocabulary,
including some
effective common word
combinations
(controversial decision;
this approach to
education; more to
education than
learning; socialise
better; lifelong
relationships).
There is a range of
simple and complex
grammar which makes
the ideas clear. There
are some mistakes, but
the reader still
understands what the
writer means.