ACCUPLACER WritePlacer ESL Guide with Sample Essays © 2018 The College Board. 17
Sample Essay #2 – Score of 6
There are lots of thing that we can do with a large sum of money in this world. We
can spend them for ourselves or spend them for others. Since my parents are busy
working to make a linving for thier four children, and I am interested in voluteering,
I would spend that large amount of money for my family and volunteering.
First, I would use some of money for my family to ease my parents burden by
paying tuitions and loans and to show my thanks for them by making family trip.
Since my family has four children who are all enrolling certain kinds f schools,
it is hard to paying all educational fees while they need other money for the
necessities in daily lives.
Moreover, as I am studying as an international student outside my home country,
it requires much more money, even twice as much money as usual students spend
for their tuitions and living things in my home country, Japan. So it would be quite
helpful for my parents to pay tuitions and fees of all thier four children. Also, I
would use that money for loans of our house. Seven years ago, my parents bought
a house in a city, which is convenient or children to go to schools, and which is
comfortable for my entire family to live in. The loan will not be compled paying even
my parents becaome old enough to retire thier jobs. It could harden thier lives since
they have to pay for house loans after nish and retire thier jobs. Therefore, I would
like to use the money for paying house loans to ease the burden of my parents so
that they can seek thier interests and hobblies to enrich their lives. To add to that,
I’d like to spend that money to show my thanks to my parents and grandparents.
They have been busy working to make a living for themselves and for thier families.
They’ve even sacriced thier times for their jobs, in other words, they’ve been
trying hard to make our lives better by working extra hours. Because of that, I reaaly
like to show my gratitude for them by making family trips, where they can relax and
enjoy thier own time.
Next, I would like to spend that money for volunteering by donating and using them
to join some volunteer works. I would donate part of them for the organizations like
NGO, Red Cross, WHO and so forth to help people in the third world. Today, every
single days, there are hundreds of thousands people dying from disease, starvation,
mulnutrition and other reasons caused by poberty and lack of education. I belive that
those money I donate would help improve thier lives by educating them, constructing
sanitary facilities, giving them medical care, and providing them foods. Also, not just
donate money but I’d like to use them to join those works as a volunteer. I want to
actually contribute those works. But, it costs lots of money if I go to abroad to help
people such as Sudan, Philipin, Neparlle and Indnesia. So, I’d like to use it for my own
experiences of volunteering.
In those ways, I would like to use a large amount of money if I recieve it. I would
spend it on my family and volunteering, in other words, on private concerns and
social matters.
Annotations
Displaying an insightful and engaging expression of ideas, this essay exhibits
strong control of focus, organization, and supporting details. The writing provides
considerable depth of support, particularly in the rst body paragraph where
substantial development supplies thorough information about the predicament of
the writer’s parents. In addition, skillful transitions and varied sentence structures
enable a smooth progression of ideas (Moreover, as I am studying as an international
student outside my home country, it requires much more money, even twice as
much money as usual students spend for their tuitions and living things in my home