WritePlacer® ESL

WritePlacer

ESL

Guide with Sample Essays

2021

collegeboard.org

Introduction to WritePlacer

ESL

WritePlacer

ESL provides a direct measure of the writing skills of students who identify

as English language learners.

Students taking WritePlacer ESL are presented with a prompt and asked to write an essay

of approximately 300 to 600 words. WritePlacer ESL prompts are carefully designed to

be culturally accessible to English language learners. They are short, free of technical or

specic literary references, and don’t require specialized knowledge. Students are asked

to respond to the prompt by drawing on a broad range of experiences, learning, and ideas.

Essays are electronically scored, and scores range from 1 to 6. Essays shorter than the

recommended minimum of 300 words may not fully meet the requirements of the writing

task. An essay that is too short to be evaluated, written on a topic other than the one

presented, or written in a language other than English will be given a zero.

Information for Students

WritePlacer ESL gives you an opportunity to show how eectively you can develop and

express your ideas in writing. You will read a brief statement and an assignment that

relates to the statement. You should respond to the assignment by writing an essay in

which you develop your point of view. You should support your position with appropriate

reasoning and examples. The position you take won’t inuence your score.

Your essay will be given a holistic score that represents how clearly and eectively you

expressed your position. The following four dimensions of writing will be considered.



Word Use—The extent to which you are able to accurately use a wide range of words

and phrases.



Sentence Use—The extent to which you are able to use a variety of sentence

patterns with both independent and dependent clauses.



Grammar—The extent to which you are able to express ideas using grammatically

correct English.



Organization and Development—The extent to which you are able to focus on the

assigned topic and to develop ideas clearly.

trademarks of College Board. All other marks are the property of their respective owners.

Visit College Board on the web: collegeboard.org.

MAR-3159

Sample Prompt

Passage

A woman recently received an inheritance of $25 million from an unknown, distant

relative. She cannot decide what to do: spend it, save it, or give most of it away.

Assignment

If you suddenly received a large sum of money, what would you do with it?

Sample Essays

There are descriptions on the following pages of each of the six WritePlacer ESL

score points followed by two sample essays that were assigned the indicated score.

Annotations are provided for each essay explaining why the essay was given the

score it received. Studying these sample essays and the accompanying annotations

will point out the elements considered during the scoring process.

Score of 1

Description of Score of 1

An essay in this category demonstrates little competency in the elements of

on-demand essay writing in English.



The writing sample exhibits a simplistic expression of ideas and little to no

development or organization.



The writing sample exhibits a very limited range and variety of simple words

and word phrases. Frequent errors in word selection, word forms, and spelling

obscure meaning.



The writing sample is typically characterized by short, choppy, simple sentences.



The writing sample exhibits little or no control of grammatical forms.



Sentence punctuation is omitted or used incorrectly.

Below are sample essays that received a score of 1. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 1

If I suddenly received a large sum of money. One rst thing I’m give some money

help for children hospital, I am helping get well and happy. Because I think they

are happy me happy too, then after that I am come my country. Because my

country have a lot of poor people need helping.

They are need food and healthy. And the last think I would like to travel arround

the world helping poor people them neee. That all my decide.

Annotations

This writing sample contains a basic attempt to organize details (One rst

thing . . . .then after that And the last think), but development is list-like and

demonstrates a simplistic expression of ideas. Frequent errors in word selection

and word forms obscure meaning (I’m give some money help . . . . they are happy

me happy too . . .I am come my country), and the writing sample exhibits little

control of grammatical forms (Because my country have a lot of poor people

need helping. They are need food and healthy). Exhibiting little competency in the

elements of on‐demand essay writing in English, this writing sample receives

a score of 1.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 1

If i suddenly received a large sum of money, I gave most of it away. I gave most of

money for the people that they need this money. Someone that don’t have job, or

he or she can’t do job, because he or she is sick. They can use the money for their

life. Their children can go to school, in cold weather can wear warm clothes, they

can eat good foods.

If i suddenly received a large sum of money, I can spend one part of my money to

my friends that they need money to do everything that they want. they can give

me my money later, or when they don’t need my money.

Annotations

Demonstrating little competency in the elements of on‐demand essay writing

in English, this writing sample exhibits a simplistic expression of ideas and little

development or organization. A very limited range of vocabulary results in vague

ideas that provide minimal understanding (They can use the money for their

life . . . . they can eat good foods......they need money to do everything that they

want). There is little control of grammatical forms. Multiple errors in sentence

punctuation, including a fragment (Someone that don’t have job, or he or she

can’t do job, because he or she is sick) reveal little control of sentence use.

This writing sample earns a score of 1.

Score of 2

Description of Score of 2

An essay in this category demonstrates limited competency in the elements of

on-demand essay writing in English.



The writing sample exhibits rudimentary development of ideas with an inconsistent ability

to express ideas clearly in an organized pattern or with sucient supporting details.



The writing sample exhibits inconsistent competency in word use incorporating

commonly used words and word phrases. Frequent errors in word selection, word

forms, and spelling often obscure meaning.



The writing sample exhibits inconsistent control of sentence use with some

evidence of control of simple sentences. Commas and periods may be used to

mark sentence boundaries, although there are many errors. Minimal attempts to

coordinate sentences and to use subordinate clauses may be evident. Errors in

grammatical forms are numerous.

Below are sample essays that received a score of 2. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 2

If I would receive a large sum of money,that lots of things I want to do. As a

student, I want to get more and more knowledge and look around the world,so I

wish I can study abroad,to know dierent culture of some countries,that I must

need a large sum of money to support my study plan!

Of course $25 million are a large sum of money, except help me to study plan,I could

do other things. I think many people will use these money to buy cars,houses,...and

so on,but I don’t agree with these are good ideas. If you only use money but don’t

make more and more money,that one day,most of your money will be spent out. I

have a future plan. I would nd a company,at the rst it must a developing company

and it have a huge developing space. That I will use my money to give it some help. In

the future when I have nished my study plan,I think I could get more money and use

these money,maybe I can build a company by myslef. I’m not only see one $25 million!

In fact,I always consider the money is a tool,it used to help me to get my each

purpose. I’m a person,my life is the “running”. When I make out a dream,soon I

have a next dream. At the last you will nd that you get your dream,the money

only is a number! I think I will give all of my money to many poor ares in the

world,use my power to help as more as possible people get their dreams.

Annotations

This writing sample demonstrates rudimentary development of ideas and

inconsistent competency in word use (I’m a person,my life is the “running” . . . .

At the last you will nd that you get your dream,the money only is a number!). The

rst body paragraph contains an attempt to focus on the writer’s plan to invest

the inheritance in a “developing company”; however, the explanation contains

frequent errors in word selection and word forms that often obscure meaning (Of

course $25 million are a large sum of money, except help me to study plan, I could

do other things). Commas and periods are used to mark sentence boundaries,

but there are many errors (As a student, I want to get more and more knowledge

and look around the world,so I wish I can study abroad,to know dierent culture of

some countries, that I must need a large sum of money to support my study plan!).

Exhibiting limited competency in the elements of on‐demand essay writing in

English, this writing sample receives a score of 2.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 2

If I suddenly recieve a large sum of money, I can’t decide easily, neither. Like,when

I go shopping many thing looks good,so I want to buy all of them. but I have too

much money, I would hesitate and could’nt decide.

ok, I got plans with it.

First of all, I will deposit half of it. I think bank is safe place.

And I will buy ticket for going to Europe. I have to reserve hotel,too. ( I want to go

especially London)

I want to take trip as long as possible.

And I go to shopping mall, I will buy gift for my family, freinds and many things

for trip.

If I have enough money to buy house and car, I will buy that. And I will held a big

party in my new house, or reserve convention room. I can’t forget famouce band.

Before going to europe, I will give some money to my family.( I think my dad will

buy many thing for shing and climbing, mom will save that money, my sister will

buy clothes, brother will buy computer and games. No wonder.)

At last, I send some money to poor family with no name.

And then, I will go to air port to have a great time in Europe.

How about my plan??

If you have a plan better than mine, tell me.

I will think about yours.

Annotations

This writing sample displays limited competency in the elements of on‐demand

essay writing in English. A haphazard arrangement of details reveals an

inconsistent ability to express ideas clearly in an organized pattern (I want to

take trip as long as possible. And I go to shopping mall). Frequent errors in word

selection, word forms, and spelling (recieve, freinds, famouce) often obscure

meaning. Although some minimal attempts to coordinate sentences are evident,

errors in grammatical forms are numerous (If I suddenly recieve a large sum

of money, I can’t decide easily, neither......but I have too much money, I would

hesitate and could’nt decide). This writing sample merits a score of 2.

Score of 3

Description of Score of 3

An essay in this category demonstrates emerging competency in the elements of

on-demand essay writing in English.



The writing sample exhibits an emerging use of paragraphs and topic sentences,

however, it may lack overall focus and development.



The writing sample exhibits an emerging use of complex vocabulary. Errors in word

selection, word forms, and spelling sometimes obscure meaning.



The writing sample exhibits an emerging use of complex sentences but with

distracting errors in word order and punctuation.



The writing sample exhibits emerging control of grammatical forms, such as verb

tense, with varied and numerous errors.

Below are sample essays that received a score of 3. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 3

If I suddenly receive a large sum of money which is my dream, rst, I’ll organise a

big party. I’ll invite all my cosins and freinds and I’ll buy them a lot o things. The

second thing I’ll do is to buy a housse and especially a car for my husband. Than

I’ll pass to the most important project. As me and my husband are doctors in our

country, we can’t exercise here in USA. in fact, I’m able to spend all my money

to release this dream. To do this, we have to learn english very well, because

we must have a hight level in english to hope to pass the test to take residency.

So,we’ll registrate in the most serious schools and oer the most interesting

books. When our english is too good, we’ll start to prepare the medical exam.

This one is very dicult,so during this preparation we could not work,so I’ll

reserve a sum of money especially for shopping, and medical cares until the day

of the exam. Of course medical school are very expensive. Registrations only

need a lot o money, don’t forget books which are expensive too. But I’m ready

to spend all my money until the last cent to become a doctor in USA. If we’ll pass

this exam, beore we’ll start residency we’ll need a rest,so I’ll buy two tickets for

me and my husband to visit our parents. After this, my husband will continue his

studies and we’ll try to have a baby for who I’ll oer beautifull things and I’ll spend

with him a nice time. When he will be three hears old I continue my studies.

Annotations

The writer spends the bulk of the essay outlining a plan to “become a doctor in

USA,” exhibiting an emerging ability to focus and to organize ideas; however,

errors in word selection and word forms weaken development and sometimes

obscure meaning (As me and my husband are doctors in our country, we can’t

exercise here in USA. in fact, I’m able to spend all my money to release this

dream......So, we’ll registrate in the most serious schools and oer the most

interesting books). The writing sample demonstrates an emerging use of

complex sentences, but distracting errors in word order and punctuation occur

(After this, my husband will continue his studies and we’ll try to have a baby for

who I’ll oer beautifull things and I’ll spend with him a nice time). Varied and

numerous errors in grammatical forms also occur (This one is very dicult, so

during this preparation we could not work......medical school are very

expensive . . . . If we’ll pass this exam). This writing sample merits a score of 3.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 3

If Someday i recive a large sum of money like the woman of the exmple. One

of the rst things i would do is to take a nice trip to Europe and Know all the

historical places. It Would take a really long time but it’s worthy.

After travel over europe My Second Choice would be to get a really nice guitar

gear. Lots of new Music Equipment. And play like a freak for a couple of years.Use

money to have a nice OWN Studio and do some nice recordings.

When i achive the mini‐musical adventure i would do some business for sure.

To be more specic i would be really pleased being inversionsit.One of my rst

invest would be in Telecomunications Commpanys and liquor enterprises too.

Winnos and Internet obsesives will exist almost forever(HHAHHAHA). Nice

money on those Markets.

If those three points come true it would be a plseasure to become an

Philathropist Help People of the world with bizarre diseases. People suering of

Hunger. I think when you have nothing to care about in your persola life you start

to care about others people way of living... Am I right????(HAHA). I would like to

save some dolphins too..NAH..No way. I think I wouldn’t be a nice philanthropist.

But i would give it a try 100% Sure!.

Then after all those no‐sense ideas i would like to re‐join Musical Studys. To know

some more of my beloved art Music especically guitar.I woulb be composing all

day long and studying how to handle Harmonies in every way it culd be possible.

Finally i would dedicate all posible time to teach my kids how to do a relationship

with music and real life...thats a big bizarre issue you gotta believe me guys!.

Well those are the basic ideas that comes to my mind. I think most of it are

dreams of childhood but who isn’t still a child on his own mind most of the day?

I think everyone of us have a kid in our brain but we have to know how to control

him perhaps i cant control him much. I think many of us were dreaming at 10yo

with being A Super‐ Sports‐Star. This childhood dream keeps me awake many

nights thinking in how to become a Football Super Heroe it never happened but

i still remember with some melancholy. I think i have nothisg to add here now im

leaving. See you good luck.

Annotations

This writing sample exhibits an emerging use of paragraphs and topic

sentences (If those three points come true it would be a plseasure to become an

Philathropist......Then after all those no-sense ideas i would like to re‐join Musical

Studys). A weak overall focus and cursory development of subtopics prevent the

reader from gaining a thorough understanding of the subject. Although there is

an emerging use of complex vocabulary, errors in word selection and spelling

sometimes obscure meaning (When i achive the mini‐musical adventure . . . . To

be more specic i would be really pleased being inversionsit). Distracting errors

in punctuation occur (After travel over europe My Second Choice would be to

get a really nice guitar gear. Lots of new Music Equipment Use money to have

a nice OWN Studio and do some nice recordings), but an emerging control of

grammatical forms is evident. Demonstrating an emerging competency in the

elements of on‐demand essay writing in English, this writing sample earns a

score of 3.

Score of 4

Description of Score of 4

An essay in this category demonstrates moderate control of the elements of

on-demand essay writing in English.



The writing sample exhibits moderate control of focus, organization, and

supporting details with a sense of audience awareness. The writing sample exhibits

evidence of the use of a prewriting strategy.



The writing sample exhibits moderate control of a wide and complex range of

vocabulary but with some distracting errors in word selection, word forms, and

spelling.



The writing sample exhibits moderate control of complex and varied sentence

structure.



The writing sample exhibits moderate control of grammatical forms. Repetitive

errors in word order, punctuation, and other aspects of grammar are distracting but

may not interfere with comprehension.

Below are sample essays that received a score of 4. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 4

If i suddenly recieve a large sum of money i would do three things with it. First,

i will give a part of it to the charity. Second, i will buy a house for my family. Third,

i will save a part of it for me so that i can start my own business when i am ready.

First, i will give a part of it to the charity so that they could help the poor people.

I believe that if i help them god will help me. I have seen the life of poor people,

they don’t have good clothes, they don’t have enough food to eat. They live in

slums. When poor people get sick they don’t get the best medication. I will help

those poor people by paying a part of my money. So that they could have enough

food to eat and good clothes to wear. They could have the medication when they

get sick.

Second, i will buy a house for my family. We live in an apartment and there is not

enough space for us to keep our things. We cannot even speak loud and cannot

listen to music loud. we cannot cook outside the apartment, we cannot play in

front of the door. We cannot have a dish outside on our air conditioner. In our

house we will be able to almost any thing we want. We can listen to music as

loud as we want, we can speak loud, we can play and cook in the backyard of

our house, we can have a dish on the roof of our house.

Third, i will save a part of it for me so that i can start my own business when i am

ready. I will go to an expensive college and get the best education which i will

need to start my business. I can make a lot more money if i start my own business

than working on a job for another company. I will also be my own boss. I don’t

have to listen to anybody else or there will be nobody to give orders to me. I will

become a lot richer than before if i start my own business. I will be able to give

jobs to a lot of people who need them.

Finally, if i suddenly recieve a large sum of money i will do three things. First i will

give a part of it to the charity. Second, i will buy a house for my family. Third i will

save a part of it for myself, so that i can start my own business when i am ready.

Continued from previous page

Annotations

This writing sample exhibits moderate control of focus, organization, and

supporting detail. The response displays evidence of the use of a prewriting

strategy by laying out a simple but clear organizational plan in the introduction

(First, i will give a part of it to the charity. Second, i will buy a house for my family.

Third, i will save a part of it for me so that i can start my own business when i am

ready). The writer follows through with this plan in the body of the response,

including topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Some supporting

details, however, are only loosely connected (We cannot even speak loud and

cannot listen to music loud. we cannot cook outside the apartment, we cannot

play in front of the door). The writing sample demonstrates moderate control of

a wide and complex range of vocabulary (I will go to an expensive college and get

the best education which i will need to start my business), but some distracting

errors in word selection and word forms occur (I will help those poor people by

paying a part of my money......we will be able to almost any thing......I don’t have

to listen to anybody else or there will be nobody to give orders to me). Control

of sentences is uneven; the response demonstrates an ability to correctly form

basic structures but contains few attempts at more challenging constructions.

Syntactic repetition lacks purpose, leading to an occasionally monotonous quality

to the writing (We cannot even speak loud, we cannot cook, we cannot play).

Repetitive errors in punctuation (I have seen the life of poor people, they don’t

have good clothes, they don’t have enough food to eat) are distracting but do not

interfere with comprehension. Displaying moderate control of the elements of

on‐demand essay writing in English, this writing sample receives a score of 4.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 4

Many people would spend all the money to theirself if they get a chance to have

it. But If I get to have a large amount of the money, I will do soemthing dierent

from other people. If I receive a large amount of the money I would save some but

give half of them to my family or to my parents.

The reason why I want to save it is because, rst, I can use them for later. If I have

to use the money for buying a presents or have to pay for my college money I can

use the money and pay it. That way I do not need to ask my parents for the money

and make others think that I do not have any money to myself.

Second, I can save them for emergency reason. Just incase my house gets on

re or my car gets broke down or somebody steals something from me, I can use

the money to get a new house or x the car or reward a person who nds the thief.

Third, I can use them for my self. If I want to go to a vacation, I can use the money

for the plane ticket or to pay the train to go to any country that I would like to visit.

In addition, I can spend the money for entertaiment.

I always wanted to go to broadway show. If I get the money I would take my

friends to New York and watch the show.

Continued from previous page

But I want to give the half of money to my parents or to my family. Becasue If my

grand parents gets sick or they gets into the accident and do not have enough

money to pay the hospital bill, I can certenley help them by giving the money that

I have. Also If one of my family memeber want to open a store or wants to go to a

vacation or to trip with their friends, I can give some money to make them do what

they wants to do.

Most people says that a person would do anything to get a money or if they have

a money. Receiving a large amount of money would make me think lot of stu or

makes me do lot of things. But If I have a large amount of money, I am not going

to have all of them to myself. I am going to share my joy and luck with people that

I care about. So again, I will give some to my family so they can help theirselves

with it and have some for myself and enjoy what I have.

Annotations

This writing sample establishes a focus on how the writer would “do soemthing

dierent” with a large inheritance and exhibits evidence of a prewriting strategy,

demonstrating moderate control of organization. Each body paragraph begins

with a topic sentence that introduces a distinct reason why the money should be

saved or given away. Within paragraphs, supporting details clarify the topic by

adding depth and specicity (I can spend the money for entertaiment. I always

wanted to go to a broadway show. If I get the money I would take friends to

New York and watch the show). Although the writing sample displays moderate

control of complex and varied sentence structure (Just incase my house gets

on re or my car gets broke down or somebody steals something from me, I can

use the money to get a new house or x the car or reward a person who nds the

thief), some distracting errors in word selection and word forms occur (spend all

the money to theirself......pay for my college money......make them do what they

wants to do). While there are repetitive errors in grammatical forms (Most people

says that a person would do anything to get a money or if they have a money......

If I have a large amount of money, I am not going to have all of them to myself),

these errors do not interfere with comprehension. Exhibiting moderate control of

the elements of on‐demand essay writing in English, this writing sample earns a

score of 4.

Score of 5

Description of Score of 5

An essay in this category demonstrates consistent control of the elements of

on-demand essay writing in English.



The writing sample exhibits consistent control of focus, organization, and

supporting details with a sense of audience awareness. The writing sample exhibits

the use of a prewriting strategy with some analytical development.



The writing sample exhibits consistent control of a wide and complex range of

vocabulary, but there may be a few distracting errors in word selection, word forms,

and spelling.



The writing sample generally exhibits consistent control of sophisticated and

varied sentence structure.



The writing sample exhibits consistent control of grammatical forms. Some errors

in word order, punctuation, and other aspects of grammar may be distracting but

don’t interfere with comprehension.

Below are sample essays that received a score of 5. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 5

If I suddently received a large sum of money, at rst I wouln’t know what to do

with it. Maybe the rst thing that would come to my mind would be to spend it all

on those who I care for and me. But than it would probably take me a while before

deciding what to do with it. I wouldn’t know what to spend it on or who to give it

to. I would defenetly go crazy. But after I’m calm, I would sit down and make up

my mind and decide if I would keep the money and buy all of the things that I have

always dreamed of buying, or if I would just give it all away to help all of the poor

people around the world.

But if I was to keep the money, I would buy my mom a huge luxurious house. This

house would have an enormeous kitchen just like my mom would like it. The

house would have to have six bedrooms and ve bathrooms, a big living‐room

and a big dinning‐room. It would also nedd to have a big back yard, because there

would need be enough space for a swiming pool. Than after I would buy my mom,

my sister, my daughter and my self a brad new car.

Than I would pay for all of my sister’s, my daughter and my college expenses.

Than we would go shopping, we would have to travel to New York California and

Miami to get all the latest things in fashion.

Than we would go to Mexico, travel all Mexico starding from the north and ending

with the south. Than go to Italy I’ve always dreamed about going to Italy and while

I’m there probably buy a house over there too, I would buy it in Rome or in Venice.

Than come back to Reno live at my mom’s huge house go to college watch my

daughter grow and give all the rest of the money left to my mom. That way she

wouldn’t need to work ever again But let’s be realistic it would be nice having and

doing all of those fun things, but there are people who would need the money

more than I do. People who are dying cause of hunger, kids who don’t have a

warm house or even the basic staf that we have like clothes and shoes. I would

create a foundation specially to help those poor people all around the world. I

would buy an airplane so I could personally take all of the things people donate.

I would like to help all the poor people around the world. I would take the cane

food, clothes, money and would teach them how read and write. Ofcorse I would

Continued from previous page

need the help of other people because I couldn’t do it buy my self. With all of the

money that I would have I would biuld schools, houses and hospitals for them. My

goal would be not to have poor people all around the world, it would be a great

satisfaction to accomplish that.

When you do or buy things for your self it feels good but I’ve learned that when

you do or buy things for ohter people you get a greater satisfaction. That is why

I would rather spend all of the money on those poor people, I would love to help

them out. It would be better to use the money for a good cause such as this one.

And I think that our wourld would be dierent if we would all help out thoses

people just alittle bit. But this is who I spend the money on, if I suddently

received a large sum of money.

Annotations

The writer presents a compelling dilemma in the opening paragraph, wondering

whether it is preferable to “buy all of the things that I have always dreamed of”

or “give it all away to help all of the poor people around the world.” Subsequent

body paragraphs display a consistent control of focus through an exploration

of each option. Initially, the writer imagines what it would be like to keep the

money, supplying specic details that help the reader visualize the trappings

of luxury (an enormeous kitchen, six bedrooms and ve bathrooms, . . . enough

space for a swimming pool). In the third body paragraph, however, an eective

transition (But let’s be realistic) shifts the focus to a discussion of how the money

could be better spent helping those who “need the money more than I do.” This

analytical development builds to the writer’s ultimate conclusion that spending

money on those in need provides greater fulllment. Consistent control of a

wide and complex range of vocabulary is evident (luxurious house, create a

foundation, great satisfaction), though a few distracting errors in word forms and

spelling occur (the cane food, buy my self). The writing sample generally exhibits

consistent control of sophisticated and varied sentence structure (When you

do or buy things for your self it feels good but I’ve learned that when you do or

buy things for ohter people you get a greater satisfaction). While there are some

distracting errors in punctuation and other aspects of grammar, these errors do

not interfere with comprehension. Exhibiting consistent control of the elements

of on‐demand essay writing in English, this writing sample merits a score of 5.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 5

If I recieved a large sum of money, for instance $25 million! I would send a portion

of it to the countries that were hit by the biggest natural disaster recorded in the

history of the world. After that i would ofcourse put some of that money into my

bank account or i would plan on opening a small business.nally i would send the

money that is left over to my country pakistan to the poor people over there.

Outof $25 million i would send $5 million to the countries where the tsunami hit

to help the countries recover from this tragic event. The country can supply

needs for the citizens such as food and shelter with the extra money they will be

recieving. The money can also help the cost to rebuild the vecationing places

that were also destroyed by the tsunami.

Well after the money is sent to the countries i would invest the the $10 million

into a small business that will keep my money comming in. A smart man always

invests to double or even triple the ammount of his prots. I would buy a small

franchise such as subway or a Burger King to keep the money owing.

Ofcourse i am also going to put some money in the bank to have a safe place just

incase the business doesnt function probably. I would put $5 million in the bank.

Finally with the $5 million that i will still have left over i would send that money to

my country to help the poor make a living. My country which is pakistan has the

largest population of lower or even no class citizens. I am one of the lucky ones

who has a golden oppurtunity to come here and make something of my self. so i

would send the money over there to support the poor and provide them with food

and the basic essentials of life

In conclusion, these are the three things I would do if I suddenly recieved a large

sum of money. Maybe I will donate a small portion of it to ST. Peter’s college

and than i can have my name on a big wall in of the campuses, wouldnt that

be something?

Annotations

This writing sample exhibits consistent control of focus, organization, and

supporting details and displays the use of a prewriting strategy with some

analytical development (Finally with the $5 million that i will still have left over

i would send that money to my country......I am one of the lucky ones who

has a golden oppurtunity to come here and make something of my self. so i

would send the money over there to support the poor). In the introduction, the

writer lays out three ideas for how to use 25 million dollars (providing disaster

relief, opening a small business, and aiding the poor in Pakistan). Subsequent

paragraphs elaborate on each of these ideas, conveying a sense of planning.

There is consistent control of a wide and complex range of vocabulary (A

smart man always invests to double or even triple the ammount of his prots. I

would buy a small franchise......to keep the money owing), but a few distracting

errors in word selection and spelling occur (to rebuild the vecationing places).

The writing sample generally displays consistent control of sophisticated and

varied sentence structure; consistent control of grammatical forms is also

evident. Some distracting errors in word order, punctuation, and other aspects

of grammar occur (nally I would send the money that is left over to my country

pakistan to the poor people over there), but these errors do not interfere with

comprehension. This writing sample exhibits consistent control of the elements

of on‐demand essay writing in English and earns a score of 5.

Score of 6

Description of Score of 6

An essay in this category demonstrates strong control of the elements of

on-demand essay writing in English.



The writing sample exhibits strong control of focus, organization, and supporting

details with a sense of audience awareness. The writing sample exhibits an

insightful and engaging expression of ideas.



The writing sample exhibits strong control of a wide and complex range of

vocabulary with infrequent errors in word selection, word forms, and spelling.



The writing sample generally exhibits strong control of sophisticated and varied

sentence structure with few errors.



The writing sample exhibits strong control of grammatical forms. Some errors

in word order, punctuation, and other aspects of grammar don’t interfere with

comprehension.

Below are sample essays that received a score of 6. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 6

The question is “What would I do if I suddenly received a large sum of money?”

For myself this question will not be hard to answer.

I have been married for 16 years and began having children at the age of 20. I

thought that I was mature enough to handle everthing that came along with that

responsibility, boy was I wrong. I forgot about one of the most important parts of

raising children and that is the nancial responsibility. Ever since getting married

and having children life, nancially, has been one long struggle. Everything from

food and shelter to enrolling kids in extra activities to driving used vehicles.

Everything costs money. Whoever said that money doesn’t make you happy was

and idiot. I have everything but that.

If I wass to suddenly receive a large sum of money I know exactly what I would

do. First and foremost, a vacation has been well deserved for a long time. I would

take my family of four (and two dogs) on a fun, warm, exciting vacation to Disney

World for two weeks and then to Cancun for another two weeks while I thought

everthing through. After the vacation I would then begin ordering all the material

things we have ever wanted, within reason. These would of course be a new

house, around 1800 square feet fully furnished with a huge kitchen.

Then for sure we would be able to have a fully stocked kitchen. My kids could

have their friends over to eat anytime without having to worry about budgeting

the food for the month. We would have new furniture and everything would

match. My husband and kids would then not be embarrased to invite their friends

over to entertain. Then of course we could have new vehicles, with warranties, so

that we could take our family out to the beach and not be concerned whether or

not the car would make it there and whether or not we could aord the gas. We

have to budget that also.

The thing that would most excite me about this huge sum of money is that we

could all get the educations we want and deserve. I am thirty six years old and

just going back to school to become a Licensed Practical Nurse. This is a very

scarey time for me but the scariest thing is the amount of sacracing my family

will have to do nancially. The reason we have agreed on this sacrace is so that I

can get a job that can help support my children so they can get an education.

Continued from previous page

I don’t want them to have to take out student loans and start out in debt. This is

just something I feel strongly about.

After all our needs and some of our wants are taken care of, I would then begin to

help outside family and specic charities that I believe in.

I would love to donate money to undr privelidged children who do not get the

opportunity to play in extra activities outside of school, such as hockey and

baseball. These activities were our saving grace. They have kept us busy as

a family and they keep my kids o the street looking for trouble. Their time is

occupied by these extra activities. I believe these activities, whatever they are,

help build childrens characters and teach them structure and discipline. Not

enough money is given to these children to help out with equipment and out of

town tournaments, so this is where the money could come in handy. In order for

us to pay for these extras for my children I deliver the Leader Post every morning

at 4:30 am. Not everyone can do this, so this is where I would love to help.

I believe that coming into a large sum of money at this time would be benecial

for my family because of everything we have gone through and learned about life.

For other people who haven’t been so lucky this money could be a down fall for

them. I have heard of such horror stories.

In conclusion I would like to say that perhaps everthing happens in life for a

reason. Will I ever come into a large sum of money? Probably not but if I ever did

trust me I would not have a problem spending it, after all you only live once.

Annotations

Demonstrating strong control of focus, organization, and supporting details,

this writing sample exhibits an insightful and engaging expression of ideas (I

thought that I was mature enough to handle everthing that came along with that

responsibility, boy was I wrong. I forgot about one of the most important parts of

raising children and that is the nancial responsibility). Consistent accuracy in

idiomatic expression demonstrates a strong awareness of audience and purpose

(boy was I wrong......our saving grace . . . . come in handy......horror stories).

Support throughout the writing is specic and relevant with carefully selected

details that enhance understanding (two dogs, 1800 square feet, Licensed

Practical Nurse, the Leader Post). Transitional phrases within paragraphs

strengthen organization by reinforcing connections between sentences (First

and foremost, After the vacation, These would of course be, Then for sure).

The writing sample displays strong control of a wide and complex range of

vocabulary (I believe these activities, whatever they are, help build childrens

characters and teach them structure and discipline), although errors in word

selection, word forms, and spelling do occur (undr privelidged). The writing

sample generally exhibits strong control of sophisticated and varied sentence

structure, with few errors (I don’t want them to have to take out student loans

and start out in debt......After all our needs and some of our wants are taken care

of, I would then begin to help outside family and specic charities that I believe

in). There is also strong control of grammatical forms (I believe that coming into

a large sum of money at this time would be benecial for my family because

of everything we have gone through and learned about life). Exhibiting strong

control of the elements of on‐demand essay writing in English, this writing

sample merits a score of 6.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 6

There are lots of thing that we can do with a large sum of money in this world.

We can spend them for ourselves or spend them for others. Since my parents

are busy working to make a linving for thier four children, and I am interested in

voluteering, I would spend that large amount of money for my family

and volunteering.

First, I would use some of money for my family to ease my parents burden by

paying tuitions and loans and to show my thanks for them by making family trip.

Since my family has four children who are all enrolling certain kinds f schools,

it is hard to paying all educational fees while they need other money for the

necessities in daily lives.

Moreover, as I am studying as an international student outside my home country,

it requires much more money, even twice as much money as usual students

spend for their tuitions and living things in my home country, Japan. So it would

be quite helpful for my parents to pay tuitions and fees of all thier four children.

Also, I would use that money for loans of our house. Seven years ago, my parents

bought a house in a city, which is convenient or children to go to schools, and

which is comfortable for my entire family to live in. The loan will not be compled

paying even my parents becaome old enough to retire thier jobs. It could harden

thier lives since they have to pay for house loans after nish and retire thier

jobs. Therefore, I would like to use the money for paying house loans to ease

the burden of my parents so that they can seek thier interests and hobblies to

enrich their lives. To add to that, I’d like to spend that money to show my thanks

to my parents and grandparents. They have been busy working to make a living

for themselves and for thier families. They’ve even sacriced thier times for their

jobs, in other words, they’ve been trying hard to make our lives better by working

extra hours. Because of that, I reaaly like to show my gratitude for them by

making family trips, where they can relax and enjoy thier own time.

Next, I would like to spend that money for volunteering by donating and

using them to join some volunteer works. I would donate part of them for the

organizations like NGO, Red Cross, WHO and so forth to help people in the third

world. Today, every single days, there are hundreds of thousands people dying

from disease, starvation, mulnutrition and other reasons caused by poberty and

lack of education. I belive that those money I donate would help improve thier

lives by educating them, constructing sanitary facilities, giving them medical

care, and providing them foods. Also, not just donate money but I’d like to use

them to join those works as a volunteer. I want to actually contribute those works.

But, it costs lots of money if I go to abroad to help people such as Sudan,

Philipin, Neparlle and Indnesia. So, I’d like to use it for my own experiences

of volunteering.

In those ways, I would like to use a large amount of money if I recieve it. I would

spend it on my family and volunteering, in other words, on private concerns and

social matters.

Continued from previous page

Annotations

Displaying an insightful and engaging expression of ideas, this essay exhibits

strong control of focus, organization, and supporting details. The writing

provides considerable depth of support, particularly in the rst body paragraph

where substantial development supplies thorough information about the

predicament of the writer’s parents. In addition, skillful transitions and varied

sentence structures enable a smooth progression of ideas (Moreover, as I

am studying as an international student outside my home country, it requires

much more money, even twice as much money as usual students spend for

their tuitions and living things in my home country, Japan. So it would be quite

helpful for my parents to pay tuitions and fees of all their four children). Despite

some errors in word selection, word forms, and spelling (compled paying; join

those works), there is strong control of a wide and complex range of vocabulary

(. . . there are hundreds of thousands of people dying from disease, starvation,

mulnutrition and other reasons......I belive that those money I donate would help

improve thier lives by educating them, constructing sanitary facilities, giving

them medical care, and providing them foods). The essay also demonstrates

strong control of grammatical forms, and while it has errors in word order,

punctuation, and other aspects of grammar (Since my family has four children

who are all enrolling certain kinds f schools, it is hard to paying all educational

fees while they need other money for the necessities in daily lives), these errors

do not interfere with comprehension. Exhibiting strong control of the elements of

on‐demand essay writing in English, this essay receives a score of 6.