the play that goes wrong (high school edition)

THE PLAY

THAT GOES

WRONG

HIGH SCHOOL EDITION

BY HENRY LEWIS,

JONATHAN SAYER

 HENRY SHIELDS

DRAMATISTS

PLAY SERVICE

INC.

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THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG (HIGH SCHOOL EDITION)

GOES WRONG®, THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG®,

, MISCHIEF®

and MISCHIEF THEATRE® are trademarks and registered trademarks of Mischief

Worldwide Ltd. www.MischiefComedy.com.

THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG (HIGH SCHOOL EDITION) is fully protected under

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(electronic or mechanical) without written permission of the publisher.

e English language stock and amateur stage performance rights in the United States, its

territories, possessions and Canada for THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG (HIGH

SCHOOL EDITION) are controlled exclusively by Dramatists Play Service, 440 Park

Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No professional or nonprofessional performance of

the Play may be given without obtaining in advance the written permission of

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All other rights, including without limitation motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public

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translation into foreign languages are strictly reserved.

Inquiries concerning all other rights should be addressed to the appropriate person or

entity indicated at www.MischiefComedy.com.

Additional copyright information concerning the West End and Broadway productions

of THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG is included at the back of this volume.

NOTE ON BILLING

Anyone receiving permission to produce THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG (HIGH

SCHOOL EDITION) is required to give credit to the Authors as sole and exclusive Authors

of the Play on the title page of all programs distributed in connection with performances of

the Play and in all instances in which the title of the Play appears, including printed or digital

materials for advertising, publicizing or otherwise exploiting the Play and/or a production

thereof. Please see your production license for font size and typeface requirements.

Be advised that there may be additional credits required in all programs and promotional

material. Such language will be listed under the “Additional Billing” section of production

licenses. It is the licensee’s responsibility to ensure any and all required billing is included

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SPECIAL NOTE ON SONGS/RECORDINGS

Dramatists Play Service neither holds the rights to nor grants permission to use any songs

or recordings mentioned in the Play. Permission for performances of copyrighted songs,

arrangements or recordings mentioned in this Play is not included in our license

agreement. e permission of the copyright owner(s) must be obtained for any such use.

For any songs and/or recordings mentioned in the Play, other songs, arrangements, or

recordings may be substituted provided permission from the copyright owner(s) of such

songs, arrangements or recordings is obtained; or songs, arrangements or recordings in

the public domain may be substituted.

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INTRODUCTION

We’re so delighted that e Play at Goes Wrong is now available

to high schools, and we hope teachers and students alike enjoy

reading the play and getting it up on its feet.

Although performing this show requires technical precision and

rehearsal, the main thing we want to encourage is that you have fun

working on or studying this play. Comedy is always at its best when

created in a room full of laughter and explored in a space where

everyone is able to express themselves freely. So stay truthful,

support one another, and make sure you have a good time as you

get to know the characters and the wonderful world of the Cornley

Drama Society. Good luck making Mischief.

—Henry Lewis, Jonathan Sayer & Henry Shields

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CHARACTERS

As with any play-within-a-play, you have the complication of the

characters of the actors doing the play-within-the-play and the

characters within the play-within-the-play. To make it a little simpler,

the names are laid out below in two lists: rstly the members of the

Cornley Drama Society who are putting on the play, and secondly

the characters of e Murder at Haversham Manor. e text always

uses the actors’ names rather than the characters’ names.

M   C D S

(in order of appearance)

ANNIE is the company’s stage manager. American accent. (F)

STAGE CREW (6–8), the Cornley Drama Society stage crew. (M/F)

TREVOR (or TAYLOR, if female) is the company’s lighting and

sound operator. American accent. (M/F)

CHRIS (short for Christine, if female) is the head of the drama

society, directed the play and plays Inspector Carter. (M/F)

JONATHAN plays Charles Haversham. (M)

ROBERT (or RACHEL, if female) plays omas Colleymoore (or

Mary Colleymoore). (M/F)

DENNIS (or DENISE, if female) plays Perkins. (M/F)

MAX plays Cecil Haversham and Arthur the Gardener. (M)

SANDRA plays Florence Colleymoore. (F)

e action takes place on the opening night of the Cornley Drama

Society’s production of e Murder at Haversham Manor by Susie H.

K. Brideswell. Present day.

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C  The Murder at Haversham Manor

(in order of appearance)

CHARLES HAVERSHAM, the deceased. (M)

THOMAS (or MARY) COLLEYMOORE, Charles’ old school

friend. (M/F)

PERKINS, Charles’ butler (or maid). (M/F)

CECIL HAVERSHAM, Charles’ brother. (M)

FLORENCE COLLEYMOORE, Charles’ ancée and omas’/

Mary’s sister. (F)

INSPECTOR CARTER, an esteemed local inspector. (M/F)

ARTHUR THE GARDENER, the gardener at Haversham Manor.

(M)

e action takes place in Charles’ private rooms at Haversham

Manor on the evening of Charles and Florence’s engagement party.

Winter 1922.

SCRIPT NOTE

e stage direction “vamp” indicates improvised dialogue or action.

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PERFORMANCE NOTES

e preshow and interval activity should be subtle, incidental and

not draw the full attention of the audience. e show should not feel

like it’s begun until Trevor/Taylor addresses the whole audience.

A crucial thing to remember when performing this piece is to tell

the story of e Murder at Haversham Manor. at is what the

actors of Cornley are setting out to do and as such should be what

the cast of e Play at Goes Wrong are setting out to do. e

characters of the actors you will no doubt work on in detail, but

their temperaments and aws should shine through the cracks in

their performances and not suocate the action. Always try to tell the

murder mystery story and play the Haversham Manor characters.

Without that solid structure to support the comedy, the show will

unravel.

Everything in the show must of course be played for truth and not

for laughs or parody. For Cornley this show is not a comedy, it’s a

serious play, and it is so important to them all that it goes well, so

when it goes wrong it hurts.

We’ve also found it useful to remember that the actors of the Cornley

Drama Society are not bad actors but the victims of unfortunate

circumstance. e comedy comes from their unwavering endeavour

to continue, their bad choices in trying to get out of the situations

they nd themselves in and their optimistic belief that their luck

will change.

e same is true of the set, costumes, lighting, sound and all other

elements of the production. Everything that goes wrong should be

a choice, and everything that doesn’t go wrong should go perfectly

or (in the case of the physical production) look perfect. e better

the production looks, the more of a journey there is to the complete

destruction that occurs in the later stages of the play.

In essence it is vital everyone works to present “the play that goes

wrong,” not “the play that’s being done badly.”

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THE PLAY THAT

GOES WRONG

ACT ONE

e setting is the private rooms of Charles Haversham, a

young, wealthy man of the period. e room is a wing of

“Haversham Manor.”

ere is a replace . . with a picture of a King Charles

spaniel hanging above it. Two swords hang . . of the re-

place on a at, and a coal scuttle stands . . of the replace.

ere is a large window (open into the room) in the centre of

the stage with red velvet curtains closed over it and a grand-

father clock to the le of it, with the time set to ve o’clock.

ere is a door in between the replace and window. A large

heraldic shield hangs above the door, and a jacket hook and

barometer hang on either side of it. Next to the clock at is a

bookcase packed with books (rotates) and . . of that is a

blank at. ere is a door to the study on the . . side of the

blank at.

A chaise longue littered with cushions stands .. ; a small

table stands .. . with a telephone and a vase on it. .. . of

the study door is another small table set with a tray of glasses.

Set apart from the stage is a tech box complete with computer,

faders and littered with empty drinks cans, etc. e tech box

is visible to the audience and is where Trevor/Taylor will be

seen operating lights and sound for the show.

Dramatic house music plays.

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P A:

As the audience enters, Trevor/Taylor is nishing o hammer-

ing the set into place.

Two members of stage crew are searching the theatre for a

missing Duran Duran CD

and for Winston, a dog needed for

later in the show.

Chris greets members of the audience as they arrive, in his/

her best tuxedo.

Annie is by the replace, trying to stick a mantelpiece above it

and trying to stick an old journal to the mantelpiece. She

enlists the help of an audience member and gets them to hold

the mantelpiece in place before disappearing ostage. Trevor/

Taylor appears and commandeers the audience member to

sweep the stage. As they start sweeping, the head of the broom

falls o. Annie reappears and brings the audience member

back to help with the mantelpiece. She sends them to get her

tool kit. e mantelpiece is eventually stuck in position over the

replace and the audience member is sent back to their seat.

Trevor/Taylor comes to .. . Annie scuttles o.

TREVOR/TAYLOR. Good evening, ladies and gentle—

e mantelpiece falls o the wall. Annie emerges from the

wing.

ANNIE. (To the audience member.) You said that was ne.

TREVOR/TAYLOR. (Aside to Annie.) Just leave it, leave it.

Annie and stagehands start to try and repair the mantelpiece.

Trevor/Taylor address the audience.

Okay, welcome to e Murder at Haversham Manor. Can I kindly

request that all your cell phones and other electronic devices are

switched o and please note that photography of any kind is strictly

prohibited. Also if anyone nds a Duran Duran

CD box set any-

where in the auditorium, that is a personal item and I want that

* If music by a dierent band is used on pages 45 and 77, adjust this activity appropriately.

** If music by a dierent band is used on pages 45 and 77, change “Duran Duran” appropriately.

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back. Please drop it at my tech box at the end of the show. Enjoy the

performance.

House and stage lights go down. Trevor/Taylor exits . .

(On his/her radio but broadcast to the whole theatre.) Alright, can

we prepare for lights up on Act One, note for the cast Winston is

still missing, we need to nd him before the guard dog scene—

CHRIS. Trevor! Trevor!/Taylor! Taylor!

TREVOR/TAYLOR. (Still over the speakers.) —we need him back

in his cage as soon as possible. What’s Annie doing onstage? Get

her o so Chris can do his/her stupid speech—oop!

Trevor’s/Taylor’s microphone cuts o. Annie and stagehands

haven’t nished repairing the mantelpiece. Chris enters from

the . . wing in the darkness.

CHRIS. Leave it. Just leave it.

ANNIE. You need it…

CHRIS. We don’t have time.

Annie hurries o into the wings, taking the mantelpiece and

tool kit with her. Spotlight comes up on Chris, cutting o his/

her head.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and…

Chris steps forward into the spotlight.

…welcome to the Cornley Drama Society’s presentation of e

Murder at Haversham Manor. Please allow me to introduce myself;

I am Chris (Chris short for Christine if female.), the director, and I

would like to personally welcome you to what will be my directorial

debut and my rst production as head of the drama society.

Firstly, I would like to apologise to those of you involved in our

little box oce mix-up. I do hope the six hundred and seventeen

(Change house size as appropriate.) of you aected will enjoy our

little murder mystery just as much as you would have enjoyed

Hamilton. (Change to a name of a show playing at a theatre nearby.)

We are particularly excited to present this play because, for the rst

time in the society’s history, we’ve managed to nd a play that ts

the number of society members perfectly. If we’re honest a lack of

members has sometimes hampered past productions, such as last

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year’s Chekhov play…Two Sisters. Last Christmas’ e Lion and the

Wardrobe. Or indeed our summer musical, Cat.

Of course, this will be the rst time the society has been able to stage

a play of this scale and we are thrilled. It’s no secret we usually have

to contend with a small budget, as was evident in our recent

production of Roald Dahl’s classic James and the Peach. Of course

during the run of that particular show the peach we had went o,

and we were forced to present a hastily devised alternative entitled

James! Where’s Your Peach?

Anyway, on to the main event, which I am condent will be our

best show yet! So, ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado,

please put your hands together—

If the audience starts to clap too early, Chris can say “not yet.”

—for Susie H. K. Brideswell’s thrilling whodunit—e Murder at

Haversham Manor.

Chris exits into the . . wing. Spotlight down. Trevor/Taylor

takes up his/her position in the tech box. Darkness. Music.

Jonathan (playing Charles Haversham) enters through the

darkness from the . . wing. He trips and falls over. e lights

suddenly come up on Jonathan on the oor. He freezes. e

lights go out again. Jonathan takes up his position: dead on

the chaise longue, with his arm outstretched onto the oor.

e lights come up again just before he’s fully in position.

Knocking at the . . door. Robert/Rachel (playing omas/

Mary Colleymoore) and Dennis/Denise (playing Perkins the

Butler/Maid) can be heard behind it.

ROBERT/RACHEL. (O.) Charley! Are you ready? We’re all waiting

downstairs to raise a glass to your engagement. Charley?

Robert/Rachel knocks on the door.

Come along now, Charley, you’ve been in there for hours now. If I

didn’t know better I’d say you were having second thoughts about

the wedding. (Chuckles.) Charley? Hang it all, Charley, if you won’t

come out, we’ll come in.

He/She tries handle.

Damn it, he’s locked the door. Hand me those keys, Perkins.

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DENNIS/DENISE. (O.) Here they are Mr./Miss Colleymoore.

ROBERT/RACHEL. (O.) ank you, Perkins. Let’s get this door

open. We’re coming in, Charley! We’re coming in!

Robert/Rachel tries to open the door, but it won’t budge.

Dennis/Denise and Robert/Rachel hammer on the door to

try and open it.

(Still o.) ere we are. We’re in.

Robert/Rachel and Dennis/Denise dart around the side of

the set to enter.

But what’s this? Charles, unconscious?

DENNIS/DENISE. Asleep surely, Mr./Miss Colleymoore.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Damn it, Perkins, I hope so.

DENNIS/DENISE. I’ll take his pulse.

Dennis/Denise takes Jonathan’s pulse on his forehead. Jonathan

slowly tilts his head to move Dennis’/Denise’s ngers down onto

his neck.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Blast! I knew something must have been

wrong, it’s not like Charles to disappear like this.

DENNIS/DENISE. Sir/Ma’am, he’s dead!

Lights snap to red. Dramatic musical spike. Lights snap back

to the general state.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Damn it, Perkins, he can’t be! He’s my oldest

friend.

DENNIS/DENISE. He’s not breathing, sir/ma’am, and there’s no

hint of a heartbeat.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Well I’m dumbfounded. He was right as—

Robert/Rachel crosses in front of the chaise longue, treading

on Jonathan’s outstretched hand.

—rain an hour ago.

DENNIS/DENISE. I don’t understand. He can’t be dead. He was as

t as a ddle. It doesn’t make sense.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Of course it makes sense. He’s been murdered!

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Lights snap to red again. e same dramatic musical spike.

Lights snap back to the general state.

Good God. Where’s Florence?

DENNIS/DENISE. She’s in the dining room, sir/ma’am. Shall I

fetch her?

ROBERT/RACHEL. At once, Perkins, and quickly.

DENNIS/DENISE. But she’s bound to have one of her hysterical

episodes.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Charles! Dead! What a horror.

Robert/Rachel crosses the stage and steps on Jonathan’s hand

again. He/She removes his jacket/her shawl.

But do you think it was murder, Perkins?

Robert/Rachel hangs the jacket/shawl up on a hook on the wall.

Or do you think perhaps—

e hook holding the jacket/shawl falls to the oor.

—it was suicide?

Lights snap to red. Dramatic musical spike. Lights snap back

to the general state.

DENNIS/DENISE. Suicide? Mr. Haversham? Not possible! Never

was there a man with more zest for life than Charles Haversham.

He was young, rich and soon to be married. Why on earth would

he commit suicide?

ROBERT/RACHEL. But why on earth would anybody want to

murder him? Charles was such a gentle fellow.

DENNIS/DENISE. Generous, kind, a true… (Reads a word written

on his/her hand.) philanthropist. (Pronounced “phill-an-throp-ist.”)

He never had an enemy in his life.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Until today, it seems.

DENNIS/DENISE. Shall I telephone the police, sir/ma’am?

ROBERT/RACHEL. e police? ey wouldn’t make it out here

for days in this snowstorm.

Robert/Rachel opens the curtains to reveal falling paper

snowakes.

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No.

Robert/Rachel closes the curtains again.

I’ll telephone Inspector Carter, he/she lives just the other side of the

village.

He/She picks up receiver.

He’ll/She’ll be here in next to no time. Hand me the phone, Perkins.

Robert/Rachel realises he/she already has the receiver.

ank you, Perkins.

Dennis/Denise sits on Jonathan.

Good evening. Give me Inspector Carter… I know it’s late… Damn

it, I don’t care about the weather. ere’s been a murder. Someone

murdered Charles Haversham!

Lights change to red. A musical spike plays again. e lights

shi back to the general state but the music continues. It cuts

out briey.

at’s right.

e music continues. Dennis/Denise keeps trying to get up,

thinking the spike will stop, and repeatedly sits back down

on Jonathan until he pushes him/her o.

at’s right!

TREVOR/TAYLOR. (Over the speakers.) Sound eect error on cue

four.

ROBERT/RACHEL. ank you.

He/She hangs up.

He’s/She’s on his/her way.

DENNIS/DENISE. Inspector Carter?

ROBERT/RACHEL. ey say he’s/she’s the best damn inspector in

the district, he’ll/she’ll crack this case and quick.

Robert/Rachel crosses the stage, stepping on Jonathan’s hand

again.

DENNIS/DENISE. Very good, sir/ma’am, and what shall I do?

ROBERT/RACHEL. Lock every door, man./Lock every door.

Robert/Rachel crosses the stage again. Dennis/Denise follows.

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Jonathan sharply moves his hand out of the way of Robert’s/

Rachel’s foot. Once Robert/Rachel has passed, Jonathan

replaces his hand. Dennis/Denise treads on it as he/she follows

Robert/Rachel past the chaise longue.

Not a soul gets out of Haversham Manor until the killer is found.

DENNIS/DENISE. At once, sir/ma’am.

ROBERT/RACHEL. …And assemble everyone in here.

DENNIS/DENISE. Right away, sir/ma’am.

Dennis/Denise goes to leave through the . . door, but it still

won’t budge.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Good God! Charles Haversham murdered at

his own engagement party!

Robert/Rachel sees Dennis/Denise stuck onstage and repeats

his/her line to stall.

Good God! Charles Haversham murdered at his own engagement

party! What a grim, grim night.

He/She turns sharply to the door.

Florence!

We hear a bang as Sandra tries to get in through the . . door.

SANDRA. (O.) Charley! No! I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

Robert/Rachel goes to try and open the door. Sandra appears

in the window, holding apart the curtains.

My God, he looks so frail lying there. His skin is cold to the touch.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Don’t touch him, Florence.

SANDRA. I must!

ROBERT/RACHEL. You mustn’t!

SANDRA. You controlling brute/end, unhand me!

Robert/Rachel pretends to release Sandra’s hand.

Oh, who could do such a thing? e night of our engagement party.

Cecil, quick! Your brother’s dead.

DENNIS/DENISE. is way, Mr. Haversham.

MAX. (O.) I’m coming, Miss Colleymoore!

We hear three loud bangs on the door. On the third, the door

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suddenly bursts open, revealing Max, Annie and members

of stage crew who had all been attempting to open it.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Get out, you idiots.

ey all quickly run o.

MAX. My brother? Dead? It can’t be!

Sandra now enters through the door.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Calm yourself, Cecil. Pour him a sti drink,

Perkins.

DENNIS/DENISE. Right away, sir/ma’am. Charles always kept his

scotch right there on the side table.

MAX. You know my brother had the nest collection of scotch in

all the county.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Don’t you think I know that, Cecil? He was

my best friend.

MAX. Well he was my brother, omas/Mary.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Hang it all, Charley dead.

SANDRA. My ancé dead, I can’t bear it.

ROBERT/RACHEL. You aren’t to leave my sight this evening,

Florence.

Dennis/Denise goes to the .. . table and produces the full

bottle of scotch.

DENNIS/DENISE. Oh my God! He’s drunk the whole bottle, sir/

ma’am. ere’s not a drop le.

Realizing his/her mistake, he/she goes to the coal scuttle and

empties the bottle into it.

ere’s not a drop le!

e bottle is now empty.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Hang it all, there’s another on the table.

Dennis/Denise produces the empty bottle he/she should have

got the rst time.

DENNIS/DENISE. Yes, sir/ma’am, of course you’re right, this one’s

full.

Dennis/Denise puts the bottle onto the tray of short glasses

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on the .. . table and carries the tray past the window.

As Dennis/Denise passes the window, Annie/Stagehand leans

through and exchanges the empty bottle for a full plastic bottle

labeled “PAINT THINNER” with a large ammable symbol

on it. Dennis/Denise doesn’t see the switch.

ROBERT/RACHEL. is is horrifying. I mean who on earth would

have a motivation to murder Charles Haversham?

SANDRA. I can’t imagine!

MAX. It’s madness! My brother was a good man. Who would kill

him? I’m in shock, omas/Mary.

ROBERT/RACHEL. As am I, Cecil. As am I.

MAX. My brother, murdered in his own home! is is unthinkable!

SANDRA. is is more than my nerves can take. I simply can’t

stand it. omas/Mary, I think I’m becoming hysterical!

ROBERT/RACHEL. No, Florence! Not another one of your episodes.

Calm yourself. Here, take one of your pills.

MAX. Oh Florence, this is unbearable.

Sandra begins to scream and pound Jonathan’s chest. Jonathan

inches.

omas/Mary, I feel I shall pass out.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Perkins! Pour that man a sti drink!

Dennis/Denise arrives at .. . and oers a glass to Max.

MAX. ank you, Perkins.

ROBERT/RACHEL. ere, there, Florence, well done, deep breaths.

Dennis/Denise pours the paint thinner into Max’s glass. Sandra

becomes calmer.

SANDRA. is is terrible, just a week aer our engagement.

MAX. Well here’s to a good brother.

Max raises his glass and drinks the paint thinner. He quickly

spits it back out.

at’s the best whiskey I’ve ever tasted.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Have another, to calm your nerves.

MAX. Make it a double!

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THIS PLAY IS

NOT OVER!

Thank you for reading this free sample.

Continue reading to see what happens in Act Two, or

visit our website to purchase the full text.

www.dramatists.com

ACT TWO

Dramatic house music plays.

e house lights fade; shouting is heard behind the tabs.

Chris emerges from under the tabs. A spotlight comes up on

him/her.

CHRIS. Good evening again, ladies and gentlemen, I hope you

have enjoyed the break, we will be resuming this evening’s perfor-

mance momentarily I am assured. I… I must say I’m delighted to

see that so many of you have returned for the second act.

Obviously I would be lying if I said the rst act went entirely as

rehearsed, there were one or two minor snags, which you may or

may not have picked up on. But they are snags that you would

expect to see in any production. And this certainly hasn’t been the

worst rst act Cornley Drama Society has seen by some stretch.

Chris gives a hollow laugh.

Just last year due to a casting error Cornley Drama Society had to

present Snow White and the Seven Tall Broad Gentlemen. Anyway—

Chris is interrupted by Trevor’s/Taylor’s voice over his/her

radio.

TREVOR/TAYLOR. (Over radio.) …No, it’s going quite badly to be

honest.

CHRIS. Before we begin again—

TREVOR/TAYLOR. (Over radio.) Yeah, she’s still unconscious and

we still can’t nd the dog—

CHRIS. Trevor/Taylor! Before we resume the production one word

of health and safety administration: Could I please ask anyone who

consumed any of the salted nuts available during the intermission

to please seek medical help immediately.

And now I present to you the concluding act of e Murder at

Haversham Manor.

Chris exits . . Spotlight out. Music. e tabs y out, revealing

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chaos as Annie, Max, Robert/Rachel, Dennis/Denise, Jonathan

and the stage crew all rehang the picture, barometer, curtains,

etc. ey see the audience. Chris enters from the . . wing. He/

She gestures ostage and the house tabs y back in.

Beat. e house tabs y back out, revealing Robert/Rachel,

Dennis/Denise, Chris and Annie in their positions from the

end of Act One. Jonathan, Max and the stage crew have

gone. All wall hangings are back in position. Beat.

DENNIS/DENISE. No one could—

All wall hangings crash down to the oor. e cast clear every-

thing into the wings.

No one could have killed him, except for the people who are in this

room.

CHRIS. Good God, you’re right, it’s one of us!

All gasp.

ANNIE. (Reads from her script.) is is a disaster.

ROBERT/RACHEL. And it’s not over yet! Two murders on one

night at Haversham Manor, what a grizzly evening.

ANNIE. Frightful brother/sister, frightful.

DENNIS/DENISE. And look, Mr./Miss Colleymoore, the snowstorm

outside is building.

Max/Stagehand appears in the window and throws snow out.

ROBERT/RACHEL. If we’re not careful we’ll be snowed into this

slaughterhouse. We must discover the guilty person.

CHRIS. Indeed. e gunshots were heard coming from the library.

I shall investigate the room. All of you remain here.

Chris exits through the . . door. As he/she opens it, Jona-

than is revealed standing in the doorway ready to go on. He

swily moves out of view.

ROBERT/RACHEL. is whole business is a disgrace. Now let us

remind ourselves of what we know.

DENNIS/DENISE. We know that Charles Haversham was found

murdered here, in his own private rooms, on the night of his engage-

ment party.

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ROBERT/RACHEL. We know that his ancée was involved in an

aair with his own brother, Cecil. How could my sister behave in

such a way?

ANNIE. Not now, Thomas/Mary. We know that he too was

murdered on the same eve, in cold blood.

DENNIS/DENISE. e only thing we don’t know is who the

murderer is.

ANNIE. Oh, the tension in this house is…

Annie trips up and drops her script on the oor. e pages of

her script go everywhere. Annie tries to pick up the papers,

but they are all out of order.

Oh, the tension in this house is. Oh, the tension in thi… oh it… oh,

it’s tense.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Florence. How do you feel now?

ANNIE. (Ad-libs, brightly.) I’m good.

ROBERT/RACHEL. at’s dreadful.

ANNIE. (Ad-libs.) Oh dreadful, yes, I want to die!

ROBERT/RACHEL. at’s the spirit, Florence.

DENNIS/DENISE. But now, Miss Colleymoore, I must ask you

an important question. Where were you when the murder was

committed?

Dennis/Denise mimes the line to her. He/She points down

and mimes drinking a cup of tea. Annie misinterprets.

ANNIE. On the oor with a moustache.

ROBERT/RACHEL. at makes perfect sense. So was I.

Annie reads o the wrong page of the script.

ANNIE. Kiss me a thousand times, I’m yours!

ROBERT/RACHEL. Of course, Florence, that’s what brothers/

sisters are for.

DENNIS/DENISE. is is a disaster! And already it’s midnight.

Trevor/Taylor plays a loud clock chime twelve times.

at was most—

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Trevor/Taylor hits the chime again. He/She sees he/she has

confused Dennis/Denise and stops.

…that was most—

Trevor/Taylor hits the chime again and laughs to him/herself.

TREVOR/TAYLOR. (To Dennis/Denise.) Sorry, go on.

DENNIS/DENISE. at w—

Trevor/Taylor hits the chime again. Chris opens the study door.

CHRIS. Trevor/Taylor!

Chris closes the study door.

DENNIS/DENISE. at was most ominous. (Pronounced “omoo-

noose.”)

ROBERT/RACHEL. Ominous indeed.

Chris enters from study, holding a gun.

CHRIS. Colleymoore/Miss Colleymoore, I must speak with you

privately.

ROBERT/RACHEL. At once, Inspector.

Other actors stay on even though they should have exited.

CHRIS. I must speak with you, omas/Mary.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Of course, Carter.

CHRIS. Are you sitting comfortably?

ROBERT/RACHEL. Most comfortably, Inspector.

CHRIS. Before we speak, I must check that no one else is in earshot.

ROBERT/RACHEL. No one else is here, Inspector.

Actors scatter, realizing they should have le.

CHRIS. Very well. Colleymoore/Miss Colleymoore, I have found

the weapon that was used to kill Cecil Haversham.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Good Lord, where was it?

CHRIS. In the library, lying on the table. Muzzle warm and the

barrel still smoking.

ROBERT/RACHEL. Someone killed Cecil with this?

CHRIS. Yes, less than half an hour ago.

ROBERT/RACHEL. But who?

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THIS PLAY IS

NOT OVER!

Thank you for reading this free sample.

To purchase the full text, or to obtain

performance rights, please visit

www.dramatists.com

DIRECTOR’S MANUAL

Greetings fellow artists and educators! e notes and comments

below are from the pilot version of this edition, from the directors,

actors, and student technicians of e Woodlands High School in

e Woodlands, Texas. With a show this technically demanding

and so dependent on timing, we went through A LOT of trial and

error to gure out how to bring this show from Broadway/the West

End to high school theaters. Hopefully these notes can give you

ideas on how to make your show amazing!

If you ever have any questions about how we did something or

just want to pick our brains, do not hesitate to reach out. We can

email, phone chat or Zoom with you to help out. We loved this

rehearsal process, loved this show and we think it is the perfect way

to bring joy and laughter to your students and audiences.

Sincerely,

Matthew Peters (mtpeters@conroeisd.net) and Heather Collins

(hdcollins@conroeisd.net)

e Woodlands High School eater

www.twhstheater.com

General Notes

1. A show within a show is always a challenge for any company.

e best piece of advice we received from the authors of the show

was that for the actors of the Cornley Drama Society this is a drama

and a serious play. Just like any show that you have produced, you

want it to go as well as possible. e same is true for all the Cornley

actors. Do not play for the laughs, but instead let the unfortunate

circumstances (the things that are going wrong), and how the

actors react to them, be the comedy. When things go wrong for

them, it hurts. Keep this in the back of your mind when blocking

and rehearsing for the show. I had this on a Post-it Note on the

front of my script so that I would always see it before rehearsal!

2. When auditioning for the show, we would encourage you to

do some improv games with your students. is show is based on

comedic timing and was created by an improv troupe, Mischief.

ose actors who can understand improv comedy will excel at a

show like this!

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3. HAVE FUN! is is a challenging show but don’t forget to

have fun with it and let your actors/technicians play. If your cast and

crew are having fun, this show will be one you will never forget!

Rehearsals/Performance Notes

1. We would start every rehearsal with the basic diction and

energy warm-ups, but we encourage bringing in some improv

warm-ups. is will help with that reaction timing needed for a

show like this.

2. Get o book as quickly as possible! is show is dependent

on actors making eye contact and interacting with each other. e

quicker your actors can do that, the stronger your comedic timing

and moments will be.

3. Take a few rehearsals to talk about what brought the character

to the Cornley Drama Society, their acting experience, and the

relationships to one another. Another note from the authors is to

think of this as a junior college company. Figure out the hierarchy of

the company, who has been there the longest, personal relationships,

and what do they want out of this performance and acting company.

is helped us immensely in determining how the actor would react

with a specic scene partner and when things go wrong.

4. Another solid note we received from the authors of the show

is that every actor in Cornley has a performer aw. When things go

wrong, that aw is magnied and we see the cracks in their perfor-

mance and the actor, rather than the character. ink about those

stereotypical actor aws and start there. Find the aw in each

Cornley member and this will help when rehearsing the show.

5. Before every show we would have a gag/ght call; I would

encourage you to do the same. It helped keep it fresh for actors and

technicians and caught any issues from the set being constantly

beat up. See the end of this manual for an example. Aer the gag/

ght call we would then do hair, makeup, and costumes.

Technical Notes

1. Your technicians are essential to make things go “wrong.”

e sets and props become a character of their own, and your tech-

nicians are important for that to happen. We had two technicians

who would come onstage to help when needed and would also help

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Additional Copyright Information

e right to recreate the West End and Broadway productions of

THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG and/or to promote a

production on the basis that it is a version of those productions

is expressly reserved to the owners of the copyright and

trademark-protected contributions to those productions and

their advertising, specically:

Falling G Logo

and any incorporation of material elements of such contributions

in a production given under a Dramatists Play Service licence

and without a separate licence to incorporate such contributions

is a breach of this licence and of copyright law.

Advertising and promotion of a production given under this

licence in a way which suggests to the public a connection with

or that the production concerned is a version of the West End

and/or Broadway production by incorporating the Falling G

Logo or other material elements of those productions’ publicity

which may reasonably be expected to create this suggestion in

the public mind is a breach of trade mark and/or other applicable

law.

All such breaches are strictly forbidden.

If in doubt as to whether what you intend to do may be a breach

of the above provisions, you must contact the Play Service before

disseminating the doubtful matters to the public in advertising

or production.

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Notice to Professional Licensees Interested in Presenting a

Version of the Tony® Award-winning Broadway and West End

Production of the Play

Without prejudice to the above notice, the above rights and digital

and physical resources to realise the contributions are available on

a basis to suit a wide variety of production capabilities of

professional licensees of the Play upon application to Mischief

Worldwide Ltd. at www.MischiefComedy.com.

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